Untuk Seseorang Yang Pernah Aku Sayangi

Untuk seseorang yang pernah aku sayangi, aku tau bahagiaku selalu kamu, namun bahagiamu bukan aku. Tawaku karenamu, Tawamu bukan karena aku. Citaku untukmu Citamu bukan untukku. Mimpiku kamu Mimpimu bukan aku.

Untuk seseorang yang pernah aku sayangi, terimakasih telah ajarkanku bahagia bersama luka, tawa bersama asa, malam bersama kelam, manis bersama tangis, harap bersama gelap, suka bersama duka.

Untuk seseorang yang pernah sangat aku sayangi, kumohon jangan lagi kembali, aku tak harapkan kau lagi. ku yang kau campakan. Hadirmu takan ku biarkan

Untuk seseorang yang pernah aku sayangi, terimakasih telah melepasku, mencampakanku, kini kutahu arti hidup tanpamu, I can live without you.

Stay

My friend said, "If I was you by now I would have left him, I would have walked away by now. Broken away somehow, instead you forgave him"
And I said, "a woman’s gotta do what she gotta do, even if it means I'm denying myself the truth"

Now I'm standing in the heart of darkness
And I know he's  got a soul, even though he's heartless. I'm waiting in the middle of nowhere and I know he's got a soul, even though he's heartless.

My friend asked, "How could any woman in her right mind be so blind to find something to save?Instead of walking with him, You should walked away!"
And I say, "I'll stay, I'll never walk away."

Seminggu

Seminggu yang lalu ku masih milikmu
Seminggu ku menunggu kepastian hatimu
Terus menunggu Terus menunggu
Selalu merindu Selalu merindu

Sepi hati ini tanpa hadirmu disini
Kau bawa pergi hati ini
Kau tinggalkan luka di sini
Tapi ku berjanji pada hati ini

Takkan ada lagi seminggu ku menunggu
Janjiku untukmu selamanya selalu
Takkan ada lagi seminggu ku merindu
Janjiku untukmu bersama selalu

Enough

I love you enough, enough to hurt someone else that already sacrifice himself, his feeling for me. Enough to letting you come to my life though I know its a big risk that you could hurt me again

I love you enough, enough to faithfully waiting for you every night though I know I'm just nobody for you. Enough to let you destroy my sleep time. So just I can call you.

I love you enough to fight for you in front of my friend, defend you in front of them.

I love you enough to incredibly miss you and wait for you when we're apart, when you can't give me some call or text message

I love you enough to sacrifice, compromise my time, my space, just to feel close to you.

I Love You This Much

Dari Layar Kita Saling Kenal

Aku punya teman namanya Gilar
Bertubuh agak besar dan dia belum punya pacar (promosi)
Sering ku bertanya karena dia pintar
Sering ku bercerita karena dia sabar

Diawali dari sebuah social media
Tanpa sapa, tanpa jumpa
Lalu Bertanya siapa,
ternyata temannya dia

Diawali canda lalu berakhir tawa
Berbagi kisah dan asa
Berbagi  ide dan cerita
Berbagi saran dan kesan

Tanpa jumpa kita bisa tertawa
Tanpa jumpa kita bisa curahkan rasa
Tanpa bertemu kita bisa tahu
Tanpa bertemu kita bisa hilangkan semu

What Hurt The Most

Pertama kali merasakan sakit hati. Waktu itu saya seperti orang gila berharap dia akan kembali, menunggu berbulan2x, mencintai bertahun2x dan membentengi perasaan lain.Terima kasih yang pertama memang selalu menjadi pelajaran, walau yang pertama memang bukan yang terpahit, tapi rasanya cukup seperti tertimpa meteor.

Kedua kali merasakan sakit hati. Waktu itu saya seperti orang depresi, tidak, bukan seperti tapi saya memang depresi. Saya baru merasakan hal seperti itu lagi, setelah sekian lama saya baru berani meruntuhkan benteng tinggi yang saya bangun didalam hati saya. Ini saya akui yang terpahit, hingga saat ini saya masih tetap membentengi hati saya bahkan jauh lebih tinggi. Tapi hanya dia yang mampu meruntuhkan benteng itu dan dia yang mampu membuat sya berdiri dan berarti.

Ketiga kalinya, dia, dia yang saya pikir yang mampu membuat saya berdiri dan berarti ternyata kembali meruntuhkan semuanya, bagi saya semuanya tampak seperti fatamorgana. Selama ini sepertinya yang saya lihat hanya fatamorgana, dari kejauhan dirasa memang indah, tapi dari dekat semuanya hanya bayangan. Permasalahannya saya tidak pernah berani melihat semuanya dari dekat, saya hanya berdiam diri di kejauhan. Saya tau apa yang saya jalani dengan dia memang tidak jelas, tapi apa yang saya rasakan jelas. Memang saya tidak tau arahnya kemana tapi saya tau tujuannya kemana. Mungkin apa yang dijalani setengah2x itu tidak pernah bagus pada akhirnya. Dan kembali lagi saya merasakan sakitnya, rasanya seperti terjatuh dari awan dan saya langsung lumpuh, it makes me paralysed, saya seketika mati rasa, saya ingin menjerit tapi saya tidak bisa bersuara, ingin menangin tapi untuk mengedipkan matapun saya tak mampu, dan kalian tau, its even worst daripada depresi yang saya rasakan, karena sakitnya pada akhirnya ketika saya sembuh baru terasa. Jika ini karma atas semua yang pernah saya lakukan dimasa-masa lalu atau jika ini pertanda saya harus tetap sendiri, atau jika ini pertanda saya akan mendapat seseorang yang lebih baik, mohon dekatkanlah, saya cape, and its getting even pathetic when I finally say that I'm getting used to it.

Terima Kasih para jagoanku yang membuatku belajar yang membuatku mengerti :) 

Kau

Karena Kau bagai Heroin, dulu ku berharap untuk mati saja saat kau pergi. Tapi aku mampu melewati banyak hal, banyak hal yang mampu membuatku melewati dari kecanduanku terhadapmu. Tapi mengapa aku masih gila ? kenapa aku masih saja kehilangan akal sehatku ? kenapa aku masih mengharapkanmu, masih mengharapkan kau kembali padaku.

Original by :Fatin Zulfa

The Truth

I turn the tv off, i pray, i pull my blanket, i close my eyes, and yet i can't sleep.And i start thinking about everything........

1. You know that feeling ? when you're just waiting. Waiting to get home, waiting to get into your room, close the door and fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either. And i'm tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. and i just want someone to be here and tell me "Its Okay". But no one's going to be here, and i know i have to be strong for myself, because no one can fix me. But i'm tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix myself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, i just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But i know i won't be. But yet, I'm still hoping, still trying, still wishing, and i'm still staying strong and fighting. With tears in my eyes. I'm Fighting.

2.I'm that kind of girl who smiles even though i'm hurting inside. I talk loud, I take care of my own problems, I'm insecure though i'm proud about everything in myself. I look in the mirror everyday and sometimes i don't know who is she.. I cry myself to sleep because i get hurt. I do my homework and do my task and having a good grade and i still never satisfied. I'm always out with my friend, trying to forget him, but whenever i'm home. he's really all i can think about. I never really tell anyone how i feel, unless i trust them. Sometimes it feels like i'm alone, and no one really cares. But no matter how bad i'm feeling, I never give up.

I start to realize when did i start insomnia.......
A few months ago, i haven't slept very well. Actually i haven't slept at all since the day you broke up with me. And that night i was just sat in my chair, in front of the laptop, listened to music, and then i stopped. I turned down the volume, I paused what i was doing, ignored my family that called my name, and then i realize why i haven't slept. It's not because I'm not tired. It's because while i was sleeping, you're always in my dreams. Before I go to sleep, you're always in my head. When i wake up, i always wonder if you think of me too. And when i'm trying to sleep it's like i don't want to wake up. Because i know there's nothing good to wake up anymore. No "good morning" in my Bbm, no smile on my face, nothing to look forward in the end of the day. Simply nothing. That's why i can't sleep.

I start to realize that i was stupid.....
Because, you know what ? i don't miss you, i'm not all broken up inside and i dont wish worked it out. I'm not crying myself to sleep again at night. In fact i start to be grateful that everything is done. The moment you walked away, the moment you given up on me, and the moment you show the real you was the moment i realized i never needed you, i realize i was wrong, stupid, and drunk. I'm coming alive a little more each day now. The less you in my life, the more i can breath, the more i can smile. I forgot how good it feels to just be myself and live my life without you there trying to pull me down. Everyday with you was a great moment of struggle, struggle to fight for you, fight for our relationship, and i'm happy and thankful that i'm not wasting any more of my time on you. Thank you for letting me realize you're not worth every tears that i waste, thank you for letting me go. I would have never known what i was missing. Because the truth is i'm not scared losing your love, losing you, what i scared is when i ended up alone, but in fact i have my friends and my families that always there to support me and never give up on me. And one thing someday, i will find someone that won't give up on me through the good and the bad :)

But now, i always can fall asleep easily. Good night everybody.

Sleep well and wake up smile :D

Don't Stand at My Grave and Weep

Don't Stand at My Grave and Weep

I'm not there. I'm not sleep

I'm a thousand wind that blow

I'm the diamond glints on snow

I'm the sunlight on ripened grain

I'm the gentle autumn rain

When you awaken in morning's hush

I'm the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight

I'm the soft star that shine at night

Don't stand at my grave and cry

I'm not there. I did not die

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM

           Selamat Ulang Tahun Mama :) semoga panjang umur, sehat selalu, murah rezeki, makin sayang aku sama ayah, dan keluarga, dan makin dewasa jangan berelebihan haha mungkin doa-doa aku kalau ditulis semuanya disini bakalan abis satu blog soalnya tiap helaan napas aku itu doa untuk mama.
         
         Mama Terimakasih atas semua yang udah mamah kasih untuk aku, aku sampai kapanpun emang gabisa bales semua yang udah mamah kasih ke aku, perasaan sayang mamah ke aku, rasa khawatir mamah ke aku, semua waktu yang mamah buang buat ngerawat aku, sabar-sabarnya mamah ke aku kalo aku lg ngeselin, aku yakin sampai kapanpun aku gag akan bisa bales itu semua. Mama terimakasih atas semua yang udah mamah korbanin buat aku, dari waktu, uang, sampai nyawa pun mamah berani ngorbanin ke aku. Mama, aku sayang mama You are the greatest, You are the best, You are my everything, setiap langkah mamah berjalan setiap helaan napas yang mamah hembuskan aku selalu ngedoaian mamah selalu dibawah lindungan Allah SWT.


          Mama maaf atas semua kesalahan yang pernah aku lakuin untuk mama, maaf atas sikap aku yang tidak peka, maaf atas sikap aku yang keras kepala, maaf atas sikap aku yang kadang bikin mama sedih. Mama maaf ulang tahun kali ini aku gabisa ngasih apa-apa, tapi one day, i will give everything you want, tapi sekarang aku cuman bisa ngasih tulisan ini, mungkin ini emang gag berharga apa-apa, tapi semoga aja bakalan jadi berarti :). Mama maaf aku juga belum bisa jadi anak yang bisa dibanggakan, tapi suatu saat aku pasti bisa bikin mama sama ayah bilang "SAYA BANGGA SAMA KAMU", dan mungkin itu sebagai sedikit balasan atas semua yang sudah mamah berikan untuk aku. Mama maaf terkadang aku tidak pernah menuruti kata-kata mu, mama maaf terkadang mamah harus berantem sama ayah gara-gara melindungiku.

       Dan untuk mama, semoga tidak akan pernah menangis lagi. Semoga tidak ada lagi air mata yang mengalir dari mata mama, kecuali untuk alasan kebahagiaan. Doakan saya agar bisa membahagiakanmu mama.

Kepada ...

Kepada ...., mengapa saya menulisnya dengan titik2x ? Karena tujuan surat ini kepada setiap mereka, mereka yang memiliki cinta yang jauh.
  
Kepada ... Kita memang terpisah ribuan KM, kita memang tak terhubung layaknya tanda titik dan koma, kita memang terpisah ruang dan waktu

Kepada ... Sungguh keajaiban, dari ribuan KM yang kita lalui, perbedaan tenggang waktu yang kita jalani, Tuhan bisa mempertemukan kita, Tuhan bisa menjadikan kita 1

Kepada ... Aku tau aku bukan satu2xnya, dan mungkin kau tau kau pun bukan satu2xnya. Tapi entah kenapa setiap kita terpisah selalu ada jalan untuk kembali bersama. Entah ini takdir atau hanya kebetulan belaka

Kepada ... Jika dikehidupan mendatang aku dilahirkan kembali, aku berharap jadi batang pohon, yang ditanam disampingmu, karena sebatang pohon tidak akan pernah terpisah dari tangkai, daun, dan akarnya. Jadi kita tak akan terpisah

Kepada ... Berat jika harus memahami masa lalu mu dan masa lalu ku. Tapi ternyata saat ini jauh lebih indah dari masa lalu, terimakasih masa kini ku :)

Stuck In Reality

Apa yang membuat saya terispirasi untuk menulis kali ini, hanya karena hasil diskusi saya bersama teman saya tadi. Dan membuat saya sadar bahwa saya stuck in reality, saya selalu merasa mimpi bukan bagian dari diri saya, setiap saya bermimpi dan berharap selalu hancur oleh kenyataan pikiran saya bahwa saya tidak akan seperti itu.  Saya takut bermimpi, saya takut berharap terlalu besar, i always think "Don't expect too much because that too much will kill you" sometimes is a good thing to have a thought like that, but to live like that, i think it's a bad thing, cause i think living without dream is living without motivation, buuuut as matter of fact i live like that, i was blinded by reality. Sungguh hidup saya berubah menjadi monoton, saya tidak bisa melakukan apa yang saya suka. Saya pernah baca sebuah buku, Buku Perahu Kertas karya Dewi Lestari, walau saya belum sempat membaca habis buku itu, seorang karakternya berbicara tentang " saya melakukan apa yang saya suka hanya sebatas hobi, karena dalam kenyataannya apa yang saya suka tidak masuk dalam "pekerjaan" " ya intinya seperti itu. Saya-pun sempat berfikiran seperti itu, bukan sempat, memang saya berfikiran seperti itu. Hidup saya benar-benar monoton, benar-benar sesuai alur layaknya sebuah film yang disutradai alam bawah sadar saya, saya belajar, kuliah, makan, minum, beribadah, bermain, ya hanya sebatas itu, mungkin dari hal yang saya suka yaitu menulis, itupun belum tentu ada yang membaca. Saya tidak dapat "greget" nya hidup kalo kata teman saya, saya tidak berani mengambil resiko. I'm Stuck in reality, please get me out from here, im dying. I want something that i don't know what. Sometimes i just want that something, i want to be a risk taker, adventurous  but i don't have a chance. I have to deal with my real life.

Lesson to learn : Never be afraid to dream high, never be afraid to take a risk, gunakan kesempatan yang ada sebaik-baiknya, Mimpi setinggi-tinggi nya gunakan sebagai motivasi, tapi jangan juga anda terlalu berlarut dalam mimpi dan hidup dalam mimpi, antara mimpi dan kenyataan harus seimbang, kita harus tau tempat kita berdiri dan kita harus tau tempat dimana kita akan melangkah, and sometimes we have to stop thinking about tomorrow and start enjoying our present

Bebek Buruk Rupa

Perkenalkan nama saya Bebek, saya tidak punya hati yang baik, wajah saya tidak cantik, dan saya iri sama itik. Saya mungkin Bebek buruk rupa, the ugliest Duck ever,  even the chef in the kitchen will throw me up, cause i'm just too ugly. Saya disini tidak bercerita tentang bebek buruk rupa yang sebenernya memiliki hati emas, yang baik dan segala isi dongeng. Saya bebek buruk rupa, saya memang buruk. ntah mungkin karena saya dilahirkan dan diberi jalannya oleh Tuhan seperti ini. Sebenarnya saya tidak jelek-jelek banget, tapi ntah kenapa, saya slalu jadi Bebek percaya diri yang minder, bingung? yap itulah mungkin yang membuat saya buruk rupa, saya PALSU. Saya selalu dibilang bebek paling fashionable, tapi dalam pikiran saya, saya tidak, Kepalusan yang selalu saya tampilkan didepan orang-orang, Kesempurnaan yang saya cari untuk mendapat tanggapan baik dari orang-orang, menjadikan diri saya berfikir, Im Ugly, saya Bebek Buruk Rupa. Kadang hidup memaksa saya untuk menjadi palsu, For being Fake instead being original.Saya sadar diantara 10 bebek mungkin yang asli diantara diri kita hanya setengahnya maksud saya bukan setengah berarti 5, namun setengah dari diri masing2x. I KNOW WE ARE ORIGINAL AND CANNOT BE REPLACE, but do you know how fake are you? Selalu mencela bebek lain yang kalian pikir lebih buruk dari kalian, hanya untuk membuat diri kalian nyaman, nyaman dan percaya diri. That's fake! saya selalu merasa diri saya bebek gendut, as the matter of fact, saya tidak gendut, saya hanya mencaci diri saya, melukai diri saya melalui diet-diet yang kadang tidak masuk akal. Akh.... mungkin saya memang bagian dari bebek-bebek palsu,  yang selalu mencari kesempurnaan, untuk mencapai apa yang kamu lihat, bukan apa yang kamu rasa.
 Kalau saja saya habis menulis ini, saya terinspirasi untuk lebih true to myself, puaskan diri anda, janga melakukan sesuatu untuk memuaskan orang lain, anda hidup untuk diri anda. Puaskan Tuhanmu, bukan Puaskan Pacarmu! Jika anda tidak pernah bahagia akan diri anda, orang lain-pun takkan bahagia dengan anda.
Ini hanya curhatan Saya saja sebagai Bebek Buruk Rupa. Anda tersinggung? berarti anda bagian dari saya.
TERIMAKASIH

Yang Tak Tersampaikan

Bandung 27 Juli 2011
Kepada                                                                                                                   
Yang Tak Tersampaikan
Di Hatiku

Assalammualaikum Wr.Wb

Kepada yang tak tersampaikan,
Aku tidak akan sedih ketika kamu berhenti mencintaiku
Aku tidak akann sedih ketika kamu berhenti menginginkanku
Aku tidak akan sedih ketika kau berhenti membutuhkanku
Maka, aku tak akan menangis ketika kau meninggalkanku,
Kenapa? pasti km bertanya2x. Karena, karena aku ingin menjadi Andromeda, km tau Andromeda? Andromeda itu bintang yang paling terang, ketika langit gelap, Andromeda selalu muncul untuk menerangi dan memberi keindahan. Karena Andromeda itu menerangi, bukan Diterangi.

Kepada yang tak pernah tersampaikan apa kamu tau kenapa aku ingin jadi Andromeda? Karena aku ingin dikenang, aku ingin kelak nanti, akan ada sesuatu yang km,keluargaku, dan teman2xku ingat dariku,
Aku, Andromedamu.

Kepada yang tak pernah tersampaikan, aku ingin selalu jd Andromedamu yang menerangi hatimu, bukan orang yang kamu cintai, atau mencintaimu. Aku ingin menerangi hatimu dan jiwamu tanpa alasan. Aku memang dulu orang yang kau cintai, dan Kamu dulu memang orang yang ku cintai, tp sekarang aku berhenti jd org yg mencintaimu, aku hanya ingin selalu jadi Andromedamu.

Kepada yang tak pernah tersampaikan, I was your Andromeda, tapi percaya aku tetap selalu jadi Andromeda kamu. Kalau nantinya ada Andromeda lain, ketika aku pergi, jangan redupkan sinarku, simpan aku didalam toples bernama "Kenangan" bersama Apel dan Surat ku, dan percaya ketika malam aku akan selalu menyinari kamu.

 Kepada yang tak tersampaikan, aku menulis ini bukan mengaharapkan cinta lagi darimu, aku menulis ini hanya sebagai ungkapan lain, dari ungkapan yang tak pernah aku ucapkan, aku menulis ini untuk menghilangkan dendam, aku ingin tenang tidak terbayang2xin amarah. Dan sekarang aku tenang untuk pergi

Sincerely, Andromeda!

Mereka Bilang "Dia Bukan yang Terbaik"

saya gatau harus mulai nulis darimana, kalian tau mati rasa ? ya mungkin saya mati rasa, saya mati rasa sama rasa sakit mati rasa sama rasa bahagia saya mati rasa untuk beberapa saat. Saya temukan kebahagiaan pada diriinya, saya bisa tertawa lepas, saya bisa menangis sejadi-jadinya, saya bisa marah, di dirinya saya temukan segalanya, dia mungkin bukan yang pertama, dan memang mungkin juga bukan yang terakhir, karena saya tidak mau berharap terlalu muluk-muluk, sesaat semua perasaan itu mati, karena 2 orang yang memang sangat berpengaruh di hidup saya, mereka menentang dengan alasan "dia bukan yang terbaik". 

saya mempertanyakan apakah yang terbaik selalu dipandang dari nilai materi ? apa barang mahal akan selalu bagus ? saya pun tidak munafik memang barang mahal akan lebih terjamin, tapi barang mahal ataupun tidak mereka won't last forever, nothing last forever, tapi berhubung mereka org yg sgt berpengaruh jadi saya tidak dapat berbuat apa2x, ibarat dulu pak habibie membiaarkan irian barat berpisah dengan Indonesia, gag ada yang bisa ngelakuin apa2x, walaupun hasilnya beliau mundur jadi presiden, kalau masalah saya gag akan bikin mereka jadi gag berpengaruh buat hidup saya which is impossible.

Saya bertanya sama dia, apa dia mau tetap sama ugly duck penuh masalah seperti saya ini atau bidadari-bidadari yang pasti akan ia dapatkan ketika lepas dari saya, tapi dia memilih tetap dengan ugly duck. Menurut saya dia tulus sama saya, karena dikasih pilihan enak pilih yang gag enak, saya kasihan sama dia, tapi saya bangga sama dia, karena hanya dia yang bisa buat saya begini, saya mungkin sudah tau akhirnya akan gimana, saya hanya mau menikmati proses yang ada, proses dimana saya merasa bahagia, 

jika akhirnya saya tidak akan bahagia dengan dia, saya berharap suatu saat saya dan dia dapat memperoleh kebahagiaan masing-masing.

SAYA SAYANG ANDA Y!

Love Tips

hey blove, now i want to post all about LOVE TIPS, oke here we go!

1. There are 2 types of boys, First, caring but jealous, second, Ignorance but full of trust
which type is your boyfriend ? hahaha
2. DON'T COMPLAIN
Boys never really like a girl that complain all the time, for example oh no rain, oh the sun, i burn my skin, i cant stand it. hello ? God gives you rain you complain, God gives you sun shine you complain. haha
3. LOVE YOURSELF
Boys love a girl that accept the way who she us. Dont say im too fat, i'm too skinny #blah (oke this is hard to be done) haha
4 DON'T SHOW WEAKNESSES
Dont show that you are weak, you are a lady and you're strong, dont obey too much, if you show your weaknesses they will do as they like, they won't respect you
5. DON'T COMPARE
Dont try to compare your boy with your friends escpecially your EX. You dont want to be compared, do you ?
6. DON'T JUDGE
Think before you judge, don't judge he's cheating if you're not see it by yourself, or if there's not strong proof, check first then judge.
7. DONT BE A STALKER
Just ask him if you want to know something more about him, dont stalk girl, it just not cool. hha  but sometimes i'd do this if its very important haha atau kepepet wkwk
8. SAY THE TRUTH
Truth maybe hurt but trust me it's the best, because, if you start a lie, you will cover it up again with another lies, and it will be non-stop lies
9. SPEND YOUR TIME
Don't get too busy with your friends or with your game, usually it happens with boys, spend some times with her, dont ignore us, hmm you chase us like crazy in the very beginning once you got us, you're totally ignore us. boys give 100% to 0% but girls give 0%-100% if you knew what i meant
10. ACCEPT
Try to accept you're partner behaviour, if you can change it then its better, for boys please try to accept us as a girl that over reacted, sensitive, and moody. and Girls please accept them if their busy with his friends or his games, girl, boys will be boys. just trust them and wish that they won't break it
11. HUG
Hug is the best way to keep us stay and stick together :)

MOM

mom maybe just 3 words but its mean a lot in my life.
Mama saya bernama Rita Purnama Dewi, beliau lahir di Bandung 39 tahun yang lalu pada tanggal 05 Oktober 1971. Mama saya biasa dipanggil Dea, beliau suka bernyanyi beliau suka warna hijau, addicted sekali, beliau rela giving up everything for me :)
mama mungkin mama sering nganggep aku cuek, mungkin emang adanya aku gitu, tp deep down my heart i always worry about you, i'm scared when you sick, i'm scared to picture how would i live without you, but you know i never show every sensitive side of me to you, itsnot beacuse i dont care, but i care too much and im so scared so i pretend that im strong, cause i know you're weak you always worry about everything, so iwant to be strong daughter for you, who keep you stronger. Aku gag akan jadi anak yang kalo mama lagi nangis, aku bakalan ikutan nangis, aku gamau, aku bakalan jadi orang yang ngeledek mama gara2x mama nangis tujuan aku cuman buat mama ketawa, biar mama lupa sama masalah mama. Aku inget dulu mama sering sakit2xan dan aku cuek, aku minta maaf, aku akan berusaha untuk lebih peka ke mama, aku dulu setiap berantem sama mama gag pernah minta maaf, semakin dewasa aku sadar aku harus bisa ngalah, karena bagaimanapun orang tua, setidak sempurnanya orang tua, mereka tetap orang tua kamu, beliau tetap IBU kalian, ibu yang melahirkan, ibu yang membesarkan.

Mama saya orang supel dan pandai bergaul, beliau orang yang sangat pemberani, beliau tipe ibu yang bisa -dibilang jika dilihat dari luar sangat digemari oleh anak-anak lain, tapi sebenernya mama saya jika itu berhadapan dengan saya beliau berubah menjadi sosok yang bisa dibilang overprotective mungkin lebih-lebih dari overprotective jadi saya sering berontak karena hal itu.

Mama saya seorang sosok yang saya idolakan, dia berani mengambil resiko, sedangkan saya, saya selalu menjadi orang yang takut akan konsekuensi-konsekuensi yang akan datang, saya penakut

Mama saya ketika berbicara dengan orang-orang bisa dibilang gaul, "gue-elo" bisa dibilang bahasa sehari2xnya dengan teman2xnya, tapi jika itu berkaitan dengan saya, beliau selalu memakai bahasa-bahasa kasih, sayang, neng, dan lainnya.

Mama saya tipe orang tua yang 'worry-an' overe worry i guess, dia selalau berlebihan dalam menanggapi sesuatu, dan kadang saya kesal sekali dengan sifatnya yang seperti ini. namun saya selalu memberikan nasihat2x kecil untuk bisa menenangkannya hahaha jadi kebalik yah . but so what itu mama saya 

Mama tipe orang ketika jamannya sangat bebas, tp jika menyangkut saya kembali tidak ada kata bebas dihati maupun pikirannya mungkin diucapannya beliau bisa berbicara kebebasan.

ini bakalan banyak banget kalo disebutin semuanya hahha intinya

I LOVE MY MOTHER no matter what!

saya sangat sedih ketika saya sakit saya harus berbohong kepada mama bahwa saya baik-baik saja, saya berbohong karena saya tidak mau membuat dia sedih, dia khawatir, mungkin saya jarang menghubungi mama, bhukan karena tidak mau, tapi saya takut akhirnya malah berantem, dan saya tidak mau melukai hati mama saya
mama, neng sayang mama, mama bukan superhero mama bukan artis mama bukan artis ltapi aku bangga sama mama, mama gapernah tau seberapa sering aku cerita ke temen2x tentang mama, mungkin kadang hal yang nyebelin cuman banyak juga hal2x yang aku ceritain ketemen aku ttg mama, itu karena aku selalau bangga sama mama, jangan pernah bilang aku lebih sayang ayah dari mama, karena sayang aku selalu sama buat kalian. i love you mom :)

ini mama saya :)

androgyny

im in love with andreaj pejic his beauty and his great appreciation in modeling world, and i just know that he's an androgyny, so now i will talk about androgyny.
Androgyny is a term—derived from the Greek words άνδρoς (andros, meaning man) and γυνή (gyné, meaning woman)—referring to the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics. This may be as in fashion, sexual identity, or sexual lifestyle, or it may refer to biologically inter-sexed physicality, especially with regards to plant and human sexuality.

Gender identity

For humans, an androgyne (pronounced /ˈændrədʒaɪn/, AN-drə-JYNE) in terms of gender identity, is a person who does not fit cleanly into the typical masculine and feminine gender roles of their society. They may also use the term ambigender to describe themselves. Many androgynes identify as being mentally "between" woman and man, or as entirely genderless. They may identify as non-gendered, genderneutral, agendered, between genders, intergendered, pangender or gender fluid.^{[citation needed]}The Bem Sex Role Inventory
The Bem Sex Role Inventory is one of the most widely used gender measures and was constructed by the early leading proponent of androgyny, Sandra Bem (1977).^[2] Based on their responses to the items in the Bem Sex-Role Inventory, individuals are classified as having one of four gender-role orientations: masculine, feminine, androgynous, or undifferentiated.
The androgynous individual is simply a female or male who has a high degree of both feminine (expressive) and masculine (instrumental) traits. A feminine individual is high on feminine (expressive) traits and low on masculine (instrumental) traits. A masculine individual is high on instrumental traits and low on expressive traits. An undifferentiated person is low on both feminine and masculine traits

Gender roles

According to Sandra Bem, androgynous men and women are more flexible and more mentally healthy than either masculine or feminine individuals; undifferentiated individuals are less competent.^[2] To some degree though, context influences which gender role is most adaptive. In close relationships, a feminine or androgynous gender role may be more desirable because of the expressive nature of close relationships. However, a masculine or androgynous gender role may be more desirable in academic and work settings because of their demands for action and assertiveness.
One study found that masculine and androgynous individuals had higher expectations for being able to control the outcomes of their academic efforts than feminine or undifferentiated individuals

Traits

Medieval representation of an androgynous person from Nuremberg Chronicle

Androgynous traits are those that either have no gender value, or have some aspects generally attributed to the opposite gender. Physiological androgyny (compare intersex), which deals with physical traits, is distinct from behavioral androgyny which deals with personal and social anomalies in gender, and from psychological androgyny, which is a matter of gender identity.^{[citation needed]}
To say that a culture or relationship is androgynous is to say that it lacks rigid gender roles and that the people involved display characteristics or partake in activities traditionally associated with the other gender. The term androgynous is often used to refer to a person whose look or build make determining their gender difficult but is generally not used as a synonym for actual intersexuality, transgender or two-spirit people. Occasionally, people who do not actually define themselves as androgynes adapt their physical appearance to look androgynous. This outward androgyny has been used as a fashion statement, and some of the milder forms (women wearing men's trousers/men wearing skirts, for example) are not perceived as transgendered behavior.
Lesbians who do not define themselves as butch or femme may identify with various other labels including androgynous or andro for short. A few other examples include lipstick lesbian, tomboy, and 'tom suay' which is Thai for 'beautiful butch'. Some lesbians reject gender performativity labels altogether and resent their imposition by others. Note that androgynous and butch are often considered equivalent definitions, though less so in the butch/femme scene.
The recently coined word genderqueer is often used to refer to androgynes, but the terms genderqueer and androgyne (or androgynous) are neither equivalent nor interchangeable. Genderqueer is not specific to androgynes, does not denote gender identity, and may refer to any person, cisgender or transgender, whose behavior falls outside conventional gender norms. Furthermore, genderqueer, by virtue of its linkage with queer culture, carries sociopolitical connotations that androgyne does not carry. For these reasons, some androgynes may find the label genderqueer inaccurate, inapplicable, or offensive.
An androgyne may be attracted to people of any sex or gender, though many identify as pansexual or asexual. Terms such as bisexual, heterosexual, and homosexual have less meaning for androgynes who do not identify as men or women to begin with. Infrequently the words gynephilia and androphilia are used, which refer to the gender of the person someone is attracted to, and do not imply any particular gender on the part of the person who is feeling the attraction.

Alternatives

This section requires expansion.

An alternative to androgyny is gender-role transcendence, the view that when an individual's competence is at issue, it should be conceptualized on a personal basis rather than on the basis of masculinity, femininity, or androgyny.^[4]
In agenderism the division of people into women and men, in the psychical sense, is erroneous and artificial.^[5] It negates the biological sex (or lack thereof) as a carrier of specific features and tendencies of personality, and as a yardstick to determine human inside "I" (Ego).^[6] In the category of transgenderism (literally, being "beyond gender identity") a person like agender can be included in a sense which rejects functioning under of any psycho-cultural gender.^[7]

Contemporary trends

The rise of androgyny in popular culture has also been on the increase in the 21st century and beyond,^[8] with an increasing rise in both fashion industries,^[9] as well as pop culture for acceptance and even popularity of the "androgynous" look, with several trends set by current pop stars like Bill Kaulitz, being hailed as creative trendsetters.
The rise of the metrosexual in the 2000s has also been described as a related phenomena associated with this trend, and traditional gender stereotypes have been challenged as well as reset in recent years dating back to the 1960s and the hippie movement and flower power. Artists in film like Leonardo DiCaprio sported the "skinny" look in the 1990s- a departure from traditional masculinity which resulted in a fad known as "Leo Mania",^[10] and this came long after musical superstars like David Bowie, Boy George, Grace Jones, Prince, Marilyn Manson (appearing as an androgynous substance-addicted alien called Omēga in his album Mechanical Animals) and Annie Lennox as well as Michael Jackson challenged the norms in the 1970s and had elaborate cross gender wardrobes by the 1980s. The astronomical rise in popularity of "pretty" boybands in the late 1980s and 1990s like New Kids on the Block, Take That, the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync "redefined masculinity"^[11] and the trends flowed into other performance entertainment circles that included increasingly, sports stars in England's FA Premier League like David Beckham^[12] or the Liverpool F.C Spice Boys^[13] in the 1990s. These entertainers were known to have started trends of becoming increasingly conscious of their fashion and looks, and inadvertently raised trends as celebrities in the limelight that males were now increasingly interested in traditional female interests like clothing, fashion accessories, hairstyles, manicures, spa treatments and so on, which have seen the societal redefinition of traditional gender fashion norms, due to the popularity of these artistes with many people in the world today. These trends have arguably then gone on to reshape fashion, and clothing houses like Top Man, and designer labels have then seen an increase in sales in relevant "androgynous" merchandise.^[14][15]
While the 1990s developed and fashion developed an affinity for unisex clothes and the rise of designers who favoured that look like Helmut Lang, Giorgio Armani and Pierre Cardin, the trends in fashion only hit the public mainstream in the 2000s, which saw men sporting longer hair, hairdyes, hair highlights, wearing jewellery, make up, visual kei, designer stubble, or the like, all of which been a significant mainstream trend of the 21st century, both in the western world, and in Asia.^[16] Japanese and Korean cultures have been featuring the androgynous look as an ideal in society, as depicted in both K-pop, J-pop^[17] and in Anime and Manga,^[18] as well as the fashion industry^[19] However, in 2010, reports state that the androgynous look in Europe and the West may be a trend on the decline
 via (@wikipedia)

Andrej Pejic

with david chiang

 isnt he great ? and he's been asked bye victoria's secret aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE    

Actually what is LOVE ?

Do you really know what Love is ?
Do you believe in Love ?
Do you have Love ?

Actually here i will talk about Love in not general ways, here just love in my perspective, here just love base on Love with opposite sex which is Man or Woman.
This is Love in my perspective so here it goes

"Love is something that you feel when you want the person you love, to be happy, someone you want to grow old together, someone that make you feel safe around him/her, the place where you feel comfortable, someone that would share tears, laughter, happiness, sadness, sickness and everything even every little thing. Love is not physical or just about romance true love is about how we accept the way she/he was and DONT REALLY CARE about stuff that happen in the past and only care about how to make the future together"

 and this one i read it in twitter quote and i forget again hoho so sorry :p

"Love, we think about it, sing about it,dream about it and love sleeping worrying about it. When we dont know we have it we search for it, when we discover it we dont know how to do with it. When we have it we fears losing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain but we dont know which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define and impossible to live without."

I CAN

This is the quote that i made on my tweet, "sukses itu butuh usaha bukan hanya keberuntungan" in english "if you want to success you have to gives it big effort instead depend on luck" hmm maybe like that hahha im  not really good making quote base on indonesian, so i will talk about it. the word that inspired me for making this quote is because i watched kick buttowski, he said "i dont need luck, im just gonna try" how cool is that ? if you dont know kick buttowski he is a risk taker and super cool you can watch him on disney channel. Ok enough about kick, lets get back to where we are, hmm oke first of all i trust about luck, but luck just come to those who fortunately always in the shadow of fortune goddess and me ? im just an ordinary girl who has to give big effort to every goal i made, i dont think im a lucky girl, but its okay im cool with it, because maybe its ALLAH's way to show me that, maybe im not lucky enough but you can definitely reach your goal by try and use big effort. I think if we show the world that the world thought you cant make it but actually we can make it and give big effort the result is more proud than we actually not giving any effort in anything and than voalaaaaa you made it. I didnt say that i didnt trust luck, actually i believe in miracle, i believe in fairytale BUT we have to face this world with your head held up and say WE CAN!! there is nothing you cant do, you can do anything if you believe you will reach your dream!! For me i just keep study harder to get better score and graduate soon :) wish me luck

and for my junior in 13 senior high school keep your spirit up, study harder, 

YOU ALL DEFINITELY GONNA PASS THE FINAL EXAM

GO GO GO !!!!!

im back blove haha

OH MY GOD!!! its been a while hmm maybe its been like forever maybe haha i've been so busy with my college. too many tasks and i never had a chance to use my laptop and as you know i cant reach signals in my old room. Now, i move to my granny's hahaha and i have good signal here, so lets wish that i can post my stories again hahaha. You know what i wish that i can post my blog from my blackberry but i never found the application huhuhu if you know please lemme know about the application. i have so many stories haha but im not in a good mood to write it now maybe later or maybe 5 minutes again hahaha okeee CAOOOO